Do you know what’s better than laughing it up with your girlfriends at the bar? Laughing with your kids at a joke about giraffes. Kids’ jokes are what life is all about, and we have an epic list to keep the kid-friendly jokes flowing until they’re teenagers.
But seriously, is there anything sweeter than the sound of a child’s hysterical laughter? Kids are pretty giddy and they’re always seeking out new, silly jokes to crack up over or to tell their friends in the schoolyard — what’s better than school jokes. So when you whip out a list of clean, kid-friendly jokes and puns, you’re guaranteed to be their new best friend. And when it comes to kids, the sillier, the better.
If you think you’re the only one trolling the internet for some epic kid’s jokes, you’re not alone. In fact, according to the latest search data available to us, jokes for kids is searched for nearly half a million times per month. So we’re here to help you earn playground cred with some preschooler-approved jokes. Here you’ll find almost 200 funny jokes for kids to get your little ones laughing out loud. From animal one-liners to food puns and anything gross in between, this list covers all bases on what kids find hilarious. You might even crack yourself up, too. Read on and check out the best jokes for kids!
RELATED: 40 Funny And Sweet Dog Quotes And Jokes Worthy Of Man’s Best Friend
Animal Jokes
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Why did the Daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Where do cows go on Dec. 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Why are penguins socially awkward?
Because they can’t break the ice.
Why couldn’t the duck pay for dinner?
Her bill was too big.
What animal dresses up and howls?
A werewolf.
What did the mother elephant say to her kids when they weren’t behaving?
“Tusk, tusk.”
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
The chicken didn’t exist yet.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are really good at it.
What do cows read?
CATTLE-logs.
Why are spiders great web developers?
They like finding bugs.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk!
Why kind of bug is in the FBI?
A SPY-der.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump!
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What do you call a cow that can’t moo?
A milk dud.
Where do horses live?
In neighhh-borhoods.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What did the buffalo say when his son left?
“Bison!”
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward?
A receding hare-line.
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
“This tastes a little funny.”
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Why did the little lamb go everywhere Mary went?
He wanted to mark his territory.
What do piggies use when they have an infection?
Antibiotic oinkment.
Why is a flock of geese like Wikipedia?
They’re flying in-formation.
Where do fish keep their money?
In the riverbank.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs?
Santa Paws.
What happened after the shark got famous?
He became a starfish.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
What did the duck say to the comedian?
“You quack me up.”
What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?
A mathemachicken.
What time do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
What do cats wear to bed?
Paw-jamas.
What did the hungry dalmatian say when he had some kibble?
“That hit the spot!”
What did the dog say to the sandpaper?
“Ruff!”
What do you call a dog in the winter?
A chili dog!
Where should a dog never go shopping?
A flea market.
What is the dog’s favorite button on a remote?
Paws.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You can step into a poodle.
What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound!
What is a dog’s favorite city?
New Yorkie!
What’s a cat’s favorite color?
Purrrrr-ple.
Why are cats so good at video games?
Because they have nine lives.
Why is a leopard so bad at hiding?
Because he’s always spotted.
What’s a cat’s favorite song?
Three Blind Mice.
What state has a lot of dogs and cats?
Pets-sylvania.
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go MOO!
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean meat!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs!
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slowpoke.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What animal needs to wear a wig?
A bald eagle.
How do you keep an elephant from charging?
Take away her credit card!
Why are frogs so happy?
They eat what bugs them.
What do you get when a cow laughs?
A milkshake.
What goes tick-tock and woof-woof?
A watchdog.
Which dinosaur had the best vocabulary?
The thesaurus.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut!
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have such big fingers to pick with!
Where do werewolves buy their Christmas gifts?
Beast Buy.
Food Jokes
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor’s office?
He was feeling crummy.
Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a retired vegetable?
A has-bean.
Where do hamburgers go dancing?
A meatball.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
Don’t leave any food around your computer.
It takes a lot of bytes.
What did the broccoli say to the celery?
“Quit stalking me.”
What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
Your teeth.
What room doesn’t have doors?
A mushroom.
What do you get when you put cheese next to some ducks?
Cheese and quackers.
What do you call a tired pea?
Sleep-pea.
Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.
Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?
Because it was cultured.
How did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Why did the garden feel overcrowded?
There wasn’t mushroom.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
“Where’s popcorn?”
Why was the cookie sad?
Because his mom was a wafer so long.
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel!
What did the egg say to another egg?
“Have an eggselent day!”
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
“Ketchup.”
When do you go in red and stop on green?
When you are eating a watermelon.
Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
“Dinner is on me.”
Why did the student eat his homework?
The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
What is brown, hairy, and wears sunnies?
A coconut on vacation.
Two pickles fell on the floor. What did one say to the other?
“Dill with it.”
Why did the girl throw a stick of butter?
She wanted to see a butter-fly!
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive YOU!
What do you call a little legume?
A tiny bean.
Sports Jokes
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
Why do bowling pins have such a hard life?
They’re always getting knocked down.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
Just in case he got a hole in one.
What is something you can serve, but never eat?
A volleyball.
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya’ later.
What did the football coach say to the vending machine?
I want my quarter back.
Jokes About People and Characters
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
“Freeze. You’re under a vest.”
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snapchat.
How did the baby tell her mom she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much as a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
“Pick a cod, any cod.”
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A BUCK-aneer.
Why can’t you trust zookeepers?
They love cheetahs.
What did Jack say to Jill after they rolled down the hill?
“I think I spilled the water.”
Why are ghosts such bad liars?
You can see right through them.
What are bald sea captains most worried about?
Cap sizes.
How do elves learn how to spell?
They study the elf-abet.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
She’ll “Let It Go.”
What’s a king’s favorite kind of weather?
Reign.
What happened with the kidnapping situation in the park?
They woke him up.
Why can’t the music teacher start his car?
His keys are on the piano.
What did Aquaman say to his kids when they wouldn’t eat their food?
“Water you waiting for?”
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
The same middle name.
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
How do modern-day pirates keep in touch?
SEA-mail.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field.
Where does Superman’s wife drive?
Lois’ lane.
Why was SpongeBob always praying?
He’s so hole-y.
Why did the Scottish man have plumbing issues?
He only had bagpipes.
Why did the florist give so many kisses?
She had two-lips.
Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
What’s scarier than a monster?
A momster.
What do you call a student who doesn’t like math class?
Calcu-hater.
What’s Superman’s favorite drink?
PUNCH.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Annie. Annie Who? Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What do knights do when they are scared of the dark?
They turn on the knight light!
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos.
Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted everyone to be scared stiff.
What do you say when you catch a ghost?
“Gotchu Boo!”
Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store!
What’s the ghost’s favorite thing about Thanksgiving dinner?
The grave-y.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite!
Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern…
Knock knock.
Who’s there? A little old lady? A little old lady who? I didn’t know you could yodel!
What is a witch’s favorite school subject?
Spelling.
If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring?
Pilgrims!
Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?
They keep getting lost at C.
What kind of money do mermaids use?
Sand dollars.
Why is Santa good at karate?
He has a black belt.
Why did the man run around his bed?
Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
Miscellaneous Jokes
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
What does one volcano say to the other?
“I lava you!”
What did one math book say to the other?
“I’ve got so many problems.”
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.
What did the sink say to the potty?
“You look flushed!”
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Where were pencils invented?
PENCIL-vania.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
Why were bikes suspended from school?
They spoke too much.
What kind of music do balloons hate?
Pop.
What time is it when a ball goes through the window?
Time to get a new window.
Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
If you take your watch to be fixed, make sure you don’t pay upfront.
Wait until the time is right.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
“Don’t look. I’m about to change.”
What did one DNA strand ask the other DNA strand?
“Do these genes look OK?”
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
I spent five minutes fixing a broken clock yesterday.
At least, I think it was five minutes…
What did one hat say to the other?
“Stay here, I’m going on ahead.”
What’s green, has six legs, and if it drops out of a tree onto you will kill you?
A pool table.
Why do computers never fall asleep?
They’re too wired.
What happens in a cave in the rainforest?
Amazon Echo.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey…
But then I turned myself around.
Why should you never trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What did one block say to the other when he was ready to leave the party?
“LEGO.”
What did the guitar say to the lead singer of the band?
“Stop stringing me along.”
Why is it OK if you forget how to make a boomerang on Instagram?
It will come back to you.
What did one elevator yell to the other?
I’m falling!
Which hand is better to paint with?
Neither! A paint brush is better.
What goes up but doesn’t come back down?
Your age.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are?
What always comes at the beginning of a parade?
The letter “P.”
Why don’t we eat clowns at Hanukkah?
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What can smell without a noise?
A fart.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
“Long time, no sea.”
Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?
He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park your car, man.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
“Between us, something smells.”
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.
How do all the oceans say hello to each other?
“They wave!”
What did one wall say to the other wall?
“I’ll meet you at the corner!”
Why did the computer go to the dentist?
It had a blue tooth.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
Why is a bad joke like a dull pencil?
Because it has no point.
What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
Why isn’t there a clock in the library?
Because it tocks too much.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What kind of driver never gets a ticket?
A screwdriver.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold.
Space Jokes
How do you throw a space party?
You planet.
Why does the moon say she doesn’t want to eat?
“She’s full.”
If athletes get athlete’s foot, then what do astronauts get?
Missle-toe.
Who in the solar system has the most loose change?
The moon. It keeps changing quarters.
How much is the moon worth?
One dollar, because it has four quarters.
What should you do when you see a green alien?
Wait until it’s ripe!
Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?
To find Pluto.
How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?
When it’s full.
What did one shooting star say to the other?
“Pleased to meteor.”
What did the Martians wear to Mother’s Day dinner?
Space suits.
What did Venus say to Saturn?
“Give me a ring sometime!”
What do planets like to read?
Comet books!
What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
What do you think of that new restaurant on the moon?
The food is great, but there’s not much atmosphere.
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